Lesson 7: Coming Out
Additional Tags: Gender Non-conforming Character, Non-sexual Intimacy, Explicit Consent, No Plot/Plotless, discussion on gender expression, kind of implied but it's there, he's not quite there yet,
Summary: After a fun time shopping with a friend, Kiyoshi returns home, nervous of his partner's reaction to his most recent wardrobe additions. But like everything in their relationship, he may just be in for something unexpected.
Spring, 2nd year
Kiyoshi had told himself buying the outfits was acceptable. Three pieces added up to quite the price but the quality was on par. Yet, as he closed the door to the shared apartment, his mind raced with negative thoughts and worst case scenarios.
He didn't deserve spending so much money on himself; he had been selfish. Kiyoshi took a deep breath and focused on reality. He heard steps walking towards the hallway. "Kiyoshi?" Keima stared at him, frozen still.
"Ke-Kei . . ." Kiyoshi gulped.
"They look so good on you. Wow!" His boyfriend approached eagerly.
Kiyoshi recoiled in fear. Keima stopped, finding something in his partner's expression. "Kiyoshi?" he asked, words dripping worry. "What's wrong?"
He curled into himself. "I'm sorry."
"Eh, why? You look great! Really!" He didn't move, staring at Kiyoshi from head to toe. He curled and relaxed his hand before lowered his gaze.
Kiyoshi pressed his hand beside his shoulder, making a pose. "Am I cute?"
His boyfriend seemed startled, eventually nodding. "You look cute, Kiyoshi." He breathed in with a desperate smile. "I want to hug you so bad."
His stomach back flipped. Of course he didn't mean it like that. In Japanese, 'hugging' was used as euphemism for 'having sex'. Kiyoshi fixed a lock of hair to behind his ear. "Even so, I'm sorry."
"Kiyoshi," Keima laughed, "it's your money. I can't say anything when you are basically feeding me." He scratched his head furiously and sighed. "If you felt that guilty, you would have put it back before coming here. So... sorry. I won't assume."
So he didn't actually feel guilty. He didn't regret enough to give the outfit back. That was true. If Keima hated it, he might have gone back to the store. No, that's a lie.
"Kiyoshi, it's okay. I . . . " He gazed at his hand. "What do I need to say?" He begged with his eyes. "I want to be close to you. I want us to be close."
The distance between felt like a chasm. Kiyoshi's outfit was the least generic he had ever worn. Keima was the epitome of the opposite.
"I don't want to intrude in your space. I don't want to force you to accept . . ." He gestured around Kiyoshi, "whatever it is . . . What should I do? . . . What's going on?"
Ah, that. Kiyoshi caught his boyfriend in a big hug, grasping his clothes tightly. How could he forget Keima wanted to understand and accept? He was so good. He was the best boyfriend ever.
Keima led him to the sofa by the hand. Kiyoshi's throat tightened. He had to but he didn't have to explain. He wouldn't be lying. If it was hard to say, he didn't have to say it.
He nuzzled against his boyfriend. "Am I cute?"
Keima nodded. "You are the cutest. Do you actually don't want to talk about it?"
"It's a bit hard. So later."
"Can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"Do you regret it?"
"Buying this?"
"Yeah."
"Not at all."
"Were you happy to buy it?"
"The most."
"Geez." Keima chuckled, flipping his bangs "Ah, geez. I lost to an outfit!"
"Oh," Kiyoshi stiffened. "I didn't—um, crap."
Keima laughter's subsided. "Be pr—"
"Of course I love you!"
His brunet smiled. "I know. But if you like the clothes you are wearing, you should show how proud you are of them. The one you sent me was amazing. I didn't . . . The day when you wore something unconventional that looked great on you . . . I'm so happy for you, Kiyoshi. You don't know how happy I am."
"You think they fit me?"
Keima beamed. "Yeah!" He crossed an arm across Kiyoshi's shoulders, under the hoodie. "You look amazing."
Kiyoshi leaned over, pressing their lips together. Neither made the next move. "What should we do?"
"Do you really want to have sex?"
He considered. "I guess we don't have to," he answered. "But I wanna kiss you lots."
Keima was comfortably laying down, barreled with kisses and caresses. Feeling his boyfriend felt specially comforting. His moans made him hot and tingly but Kiyoshi didn't want to take things much further.
"Kiyoshi, wait." He stopped kissing his collarbone, letting his hot breaths caress his skin. However, Keima didn't say anything. The silence stretched and Kiyoshi gave up.
"I met Theo at the mall you told me about."
"Really? What a coincidence."
He giggled. "Even if he goes there often, I didn't expect it." He nuzzled against that warm crook. "He helped me find this outfit. I love it."
Keima wrapped his arms around his boyfriend. "I'm glad. The material is really soft. Is it comfortable?"
"Yes, very."
"Hoodies really fit you. And pink and white. It's really you."
Kiyoshi squeezed his shoulder in a hug. "Thank you. Thank you so much."
"I didn't do much," he said with modesty.
"You said you wanted to understand."
"Yeah, but I'm also afraid of what I may have done." Kiyoshi smiled sadly. "I want to be accepting of your style and I did my best. If I didn't like it . . . it's not because I didn't like you. I was afraid I might have said something else. Maybe I actually did. Because you are wearing something completely different from what I have seen."
"The clothes I have here are rather muted. I wanted to match with you but a big part was there weren't many clothes I truly liked."
"We should have looked up more. You looked so happy. You were stunning. I want to see you like that everyday." Keima tightened his grip.
Kiyoshi felt tears sting. "Kei, we have amazing, accepting friends. We have to treasure them."
"Got it."
They pushed themselves up and spoke about their days, slowly falling back. "You know the best part of this sweater," Kiyoshi said after a kiss. "Is the thought of you putting your hands under it."
Keima hesitated but trusted Kiyoshi, easily slipping his hands under the pink cloth.
"It's soft." Keima caressed his skin. "You are soft too."
Kiyoshi chuckled to himself. "Mou, I don't think we are liking the same thing."
"What are you liking?"
"Your hands under this new, pink sweater that I like a lot."
Keima hummed. "I don't get it. But it sounds erotic enough it sounds like you."
"Mou!" They chuckled. "Kei, you meanie!"
"I can't help it! It sounds like someone with sexual attraction would say." Keima said between chuckles. His hands kept roaming Kiyoshi's back. "But I'll keep doing it for you."
Keima became intimately friendly with his boyfriend's new attire. Something had overcome the blond, more confident and sexual than usual; demanding to be striped. He didn't oppose for he didn't see a reason to. He was still fully-clothed and Kiyoshi stripped down to his underwear. Keima wondered if it was the clothes, picking them up after Kiyoshi's battery or libido ran out. He had come home pretty late.
For some reason, Kiyoshi was back in his new outfit. "Are you going to sleep on it?" he teased.
"Maybe." His boyfriend giggled innocently. Keima parted his long bangs and kissed his temple.
"I called my parents today."
"What did they say?!" Kiyoshi beamed with surprise.
"They are okay. Dad is taking meds for his illness. I hope he gets better."
Kiyoshi nuzzled against him. "He will be okay."
"I'm a little scared. He's older than most." He let himself be comforted. He didn't feel the need to apologize. "They also asked when are we going back."
"What did you tell them?"
"Next year, or this Christmas. I didn't know. We hadn't spoken about it. I told them we wanted to buy the tickets ourselves."
"Okay, we'll find a way to go on Christmas."
"Wait, I didn't say it for certain! I didn't know what to say!"
"You don't want to go back?"
Keima recoiled. "It's not that. . . . It's going to take money, right? And more for gifts. It depends on our financial situation," he said bashfully.
"I can make it happen."
"Kiyoshi! You don't have to push yourself that far!" He caught himself. "Less you want to see your family. I'll help you."
"You don't want to see them?"
"That's not it." He ruffles his hair. "I live in the present. The present is you. If I go back . . . I don't like the idea much."
"I see," Kiyoshi replied with understanding.
Keima stared as Kiyoshi ate the sandwich he made for him. The gesture was truly adorable, in particular the effort Keima put in reheating it. The microwave would make the bread gooey so it was a no go, stumbling through other options. He was adorable.
Kiyoshi wanted to eat him up right there.
They hadn't done that yet, have they? Kiyoshi found the thought rather hot.